A brief synopsis of my experiences with the ‘friend’ who sent me an email today: we parted ways many years ago because I chose not to give in to her controlling demands to become as she thought I ‘should’ be. Some 10 years later, during the 2 years that she pretended to be my friend she lured me into several street theater and dangerous situations. Toward the end of the re-kindled friendship when I questioned her actions she came right out and accused me of ‘grouping her with all those other people’ [referring to the information about my experiences being drugged, etc]. When I asked her for a bit of time to collect my thoughts in light of a larger attack that took place, it took her a day and a half to become irate start sending accusatory emails, in which she said, “I am really sincerely sorry for what happened to you, but you have to become responsible for your actions”. Can you say covert terrorism in the name of vigilantism?

But, you know, always one to make lemonade with rotten lemons sitting around, this has the benefit of moving up (to happen sooner) a blog series I’ve been brainstorming about esoteric teachings relating to personal development, one facet of which touches on betrayal by close friends and family members and how our environment produces these pressures from those closest to us.

Though I’ve always seen others as equal beings deserving respect, the truth is that we are not all at the same point of personal development so this general perspective was lacking some substantial adjustments; people who take part in covertly persecuting another being are not the same caliber of beings. Essentially, they are aspects of nature more than individual beings capable of free will, cogs in a systemic control network (they are ‘A’ influences). They too have the ability to grow and become truly sentient beings capable of true individuation, but until that time it’s certainly worth educating ourselves about the different levels of development so as to avoid A influences and focus our attention on the B influences of personal development.

For those of you not familiar with the terms A and B influences…

In short, A influences are those which seek to keep the status quo, and keeping people in their places. B influences are those which speak to us individually about personal development and opening to greater possibilities. These are both divine universal forces which seemingly work against each other, but are responsible for the balance between stasis and development, personally and the metaphysical development of entire worlds. These labels, A and B influences, are often attributed to Gurdjieff, who studied esoteric teachings of several religious ‘flavors’ –that is, the teachings found in many religions before history and the systems of control got their hands on religion and religious texts, which are now full of contradictions and lacking many of the original and fundamental teachings, making it difficult for devout followers of the respective religions to determine a proper course of personal development. These labels and many of the teachings were made public by Gurdjieff’s associate, Ouspensky, and the entire system of philosophical teachings and exploration were made even clearer and more accessible by Mouravieff. This is one of the most well known chains of seekers through which the once secret information has moved closer to public access.

In the coming days I’m going to start a blog series related to esoteric teachings that apply to phenomena of covert harassment and the ways individuals can use awareness of both A and B influences toward further understanding of self and the pursuit of personal development.  Stay tuned…

Hey, Perp, you know who does know what you’ve done? You do.

And no amount of shirking responsibility by blaming the target or those who handed you orders to persecute a target, no amount of rationalizing what a ‘bit part’ you think you’ve played will make a difference…eventually you will come to terms with your malicious acts. This is not the target’s to deal with. The scapegoating of your flaws and weakness of character onto another only provides a temporary sense of alleviation, ultimately you are the judge of yourself and your actions.

As you continue your attacks and denial, you get weaker and I get stronger. I get stronger either way because I’m a conscious person who deals with my own shortcomings and challenges; I could do this with or without your attacks, but when you give your power away to those who would control everyone/everything in their sight, the strong get stronger and the weak (that’s you, at least up til now) get weaker.

Why do you think you can hide behind malicious acts against your fellow human beings rather than utilize critical thinking and take the reigns of your own minds? I can understand sometimes wanting to remain ignorant of challenges that seem threatening, but to the extent that you offer up a friend for persecution and torment who welcomed you into their life and loved you with all our differences intact? This is cowardice so extreme that it’s painful for me to imagine what your inner state of mind must be like. Do you have to call up your leader when you have to decide what to eat or if you should take a piss? I mean just where do you draw the line between thinking for yourself and handing it all over to others and let them do your thinking for you?

To think that in history your kind and your deeds will be seen just like we view Nazis now. Is that all you have to offer? Is that really how you want your contribution to this era of humanity to be recorded? Again and again I brought up past differences and misunderstandings with the intent of clearing the air and moving forward as friends as I sensed this crazy blown up images you each had playing in your minds as your justification for hunting me. But we all know that nothing, especially the minor misunderstandings you had just as much a part in, nothing justifies your participation in the ongoing harassment and attacks against me. You all pretended to be developed self-aware beings capable of self-responsibility and forward progress. How long do you think that targets like myself will carry your burdens for you? When will you stop faking it and actually become beings capable of self-direction?

There are lots of ways of looking at why people participate in gang stalking. Sure, we can say that some may feel a sense of powerlessness which they try to counter by participating in some elite gang of people who have power over another. Today I say this is over complication. Stalkers are idiots and this accounts for every act of seeming cruelty or uninterpretable actions on their part.

A difficult part has been realizing that my anthem of considering everyone to be equals worthy of respect is incomplete. It was just that, an anthem based on my level of understanding and higher truth, as well as those who resonate along these paths. For the last few years I’ve seen smaller samplings of how people project their weaknesses and shortcomings onto a target. As the scapegoat I’ve taken on their projected pieces and the yuck of it has been seeing how shitty it must feel to be so stuck in a world of walls and self doubt.

I’ve learned that friendship to me is an honor, yet where I would go to great lengths to help another, friends-turned-stalkers are too scared to do anything bu worry bout their own skins. For these people friendship is a way of keeping the potential enemy close. Social gatherings are a way of pretending to entangle with others in meaningful ways while they mask their fears and ambitions, constantly guessing at the best way to stay safe.

What i was never missing was the higher truth that we’re essentially all doing our best with the knowledge that we have. What I’ve been missing until recently was a clearer picture where all the crap projected onto me finally sorted and I realized: stalkers are idiots and trying to attribute to them even the most basic understanding of how people in a civilized society should treat each other is incorrect because stalkers are too stupid to realize the need for cooperation. They do not have anywhere near the same level of intelligence, compassion or understanding about the larger world and how to coexist peacefully that others do.

Whether stalkers are on their own path to understanding is outside the realm of this post. I’ve done my share of ignoring the misplacedness of their projections and rather honoring the pseudo-self-exploration –(this is convoluted from my POV: where these people pretend to engage in meaningful discussion exploring philosophy and all those mysteries of life. To these street theater ‘friends’ such interactions are mimicking what they think are crazy theories and blind faith on my part –these bits they’ve gathered in their little intelligence gathering missions using surveillance. For them it’s being in an in crowd and outing the scapegoat. For me, within the bits of barely masked ridicule and mimicry, there were also true grains of their seeking that even they do not see, whether because of embarrassment, confusion, etc –ahhh the various pitfalls of finding one’s own voice and choosing that over herd dictates)

A case study- so Joel, back in the day, told me about his experiences of hearing glorious music as he soared through an inclined tunnel/portals and how he would repeat the experience because it was so awesome. I could hear how sacred this otherworldy/spiritual experience was to him and the curiosity and inspiration it seemed to spark in him. Jump ahead nearly 20 years, and in the midst of stalking era he’s rather desperately and aggressively shooting down any perspective I have on the patterns that everything continues, everything transforms (of course I took this as friendly discussion until he made it clear he was another mindless stalker). He would say things like, But what do you mean by soul?!? …But they’ve (science) has proven that out of body experiences are just chemicals in the brain. We would have these talks and I would offer my perspective while we explored these words and ideas. Then underneath the mask he takes part in theater via text messages and whatnot, suggesting ‘anxiety and depression looming’ and similar when I’d call to check on him (honoring such messages as genuine rather than tuning into the intent where he kept thinking his little messages upset me -these mainly suggested negativity and self doubt along with a few themed words or phrases). But whatever, this is his stuff and he’s free to do with it what he will.

The point is that he claims to be very reasonable, yet dismisses the possibility that others may see evidence that he doesn’t–that my opinions and perspectives are based on observation and actual experience. Because he doesn’t see the same things he assumes I must be wrong, and furthermore, that there’s nothing wrong with trying to bludgeon some sense into me because after all there is this whole group of people who feel the same, so it must be okay, right?

The last thing he would label himself as is religious, yet I can’t help but notice how his behavior and hive-mind involvement in stalking activities looks just like fundamentalist religion: he’s right and I’m wrong, and the wrong deserve to be reformed (punished). Again this seems to go back to conclusion-based reasoning and its shortcomings. Rather than suspend judgment or actually consider a new perspective he dismisses it, quick to put to rest anything that might make him have to rethink his perspective. The more I learn the more I realize how much more there is to learn, so for me new perspectives are great treats and potentially viable new paths of growth. I remember once back in the day we were having what I thought was a philosophical discussion and suddenly he says, “no, you don’t get it. I’m right and nothing you say is going to change that.” At the time I thought he just slipped more toward ASSHOLE for a moment- maybe it was a joke about the ways we correlate our ideas to our identity and forget they are not us, that we do not need to protect ourselves through fortresses of belief systems, but now i see that he was scared of considering additional perspectives and to protect himself decided that I was trying to change his mind, to indoctrinate him. Well, when in doubt, you can always take advantage of a class action to take down someone who seems unfairly stronger than you, right? What a golden chance to put me in my place! You go, Joel.

So my relating my experiences that scare you to death because they seem to describe a larger experience where there is more to it all than meaninglessness and death, where even you would have reason to care from one moment to the next what you are adding to the experiences of yourself and others… if you’re so reasonable then why couldn’t you ever point to a specific thing I said as being wrong, rather than allude that I’m crazy or refuse to even take in my perspective. Oh, now that’s rational, scientific behavior. The closest you ever came was trying to use hearsay to disprove what I have experienced with my own senses observations and repeated experiences.

It’s interesting to see the connections between people’s needs to fit in and wear or drive the latest fashions, their inability to be open to others’ perspectives when they differ from their own…and their willingness to take part in the persecution of another being.

I think that many of the friends-turned-stalkers think they are a part of some kind of vigilante justice. I’ve covered the various character assassination topics and accusations in the my story section. To speak more to the phenomena of an extra-judicial system, You sickos fancy yourselves to be vigilantes and think you have the right to act as if I’m guilty of some crime and without any disclosure of accusation you act as judge, jury and executioner. Does this fit in with your statements and constant checking to be sure that you’re are ‘upstanding citizens’? Of course not. Your actions and involvement are criminal.

Only an idiot would believe they can collude with a gang of covert manipulators and believe they are making their own decisions. Only an idiot would miss the obviousness that in taking part in manipulating someone else they are being manipulated as well, possibly more than the scapegoat, who generally has at least some sense of the service ;P they are providing (scapegoats serve as targets for their own (the stalker pawns’) inability to confront their shortcomings and fears).

Only someone who has given control of their decision making to someone else could participate in the gang stalking of another person and not question the obvious herd behavior and mentality. But is this such a stretch from taking cues from culture as to what we should value or think or do? Nope, Joel, Katie and the others who like to think they are on top of their game seem to care an awful lot about their car and gadgets and what these add to their worth. How can you be so reasonable and scientific, Joel or the rest of you who fancy yourselves to be intelligent people, and yet not even question the motives of such a movement of persecution? Oh wait, it’s because you sense that I’m somehow stronger than you and since you don’t want to have to think you just try to destroy. Sad little leechy creatures that you are.

I once used the phrase ‘what we value’ as individuals (in talking about how we each filter things and decide what is relevant or not) to Katie and she jumps on this whole ‘well I don’t align myself with things like family values‘-whoah, can’t even listen to words without getting a whole memeplex overlay involving fundamentalist religion. Though she’s gone out of her way to try to alienate and disturb me, it’s hard to feel victimized by someone who can’t even step outside the short circuit of other people’s definitions of simple words.

Stalkers are idiots.

I think the truth is that such considerations that would require actual analysis self awareness (such as whether it’s right or wrong) don’t even matter to friends-turned-stalkers because like it just plain sounded like fun to participate in a super secret society of power and accusation while feeling safe and anonymous behind the multiplicity-of-stalkers facade. As Matt says in his gaslighting email, “show me the proof, but there ISN’T any.” The motto of gang stalkers and sleeping humans in general.

People who cannot think for themselves see self assuredness and confidence in trying on various ideas as pure ridiculousness at best, and something to destroy in general. I mean it makes a sick kind of sense. For those without enough awareness even to come to the conclusion that hitting each other and stealing each others’ stuff is a lose/lose situation, to these folks, taking the risk of exploring oneself and looking beyond the walls might be completely invisible to them, and therefore not even an option. If visible, then a scary seeming free fall. I’m not just supposing here, I’ve had to sit through sessions of being plied with their pieces, their fears and whatever else they don’t want and think they can get rid of by shoving it at someone else. Apparently the running theory is that if you hit the person over the head after you dump a whole wad of your shit on them then there’s a good chance they’ll walk off and you won’t have to sort through your own pieces yourself. Good luck with that.

What should it matter to others if they find what I relate of my more metaphysical experiences hard to believe? If they are so sure of themselves then why is the only way they act upon this certainty by finding a hundred ways of telling me how stupid and wrong I am but never really making any point? Why are antithesis OR blind acceptance the only modes of working with ideas that they can come up with? Because they are stupid and mean. When stupid doesn’t work, switch to mean. When mean doesn’t dominate, switch back to ignorance.

There is one type of pawn-yarn where I’m an egotistical power monger who tries to shove my ideas down other people’s throats. Whoa, to experience the sharing of alternative perspectives as domination. That says a lot about what scared little incontinent pups they must feel like, lost in the big bad world. Pretty neat trick for the one somewhat less stupid schmuck controlling them. This character doles out indoctrination as power mongers are wont to do, through suggestion. Suggestion so convincing (only to those who choose not to use their powers of reasoning) that open disclosure of opinions and ideas from others suddenly comes across as blasphemy to them.

But nooo, it’s not blasphemy they accuse me of because they’re too rational to believe in something like religion. They do their infantile best to torment another being in the name of vigilante justice, but no it can’t be that they’re adhering to a convenient moral majority (neither moral nor the majority, as the saying goes) because these are rational 21st century people who believe in the inalienable rights of their fellow human beings –You better believe it.

These ‘friends’ drug me and think it proves something to engage me in random stupid human tricks and interrogative conversation led by their level of reason, and so, questioning; my responses being what they consider to be great clues to my stupidity, or my egotism, or my ignorant kindness to fearsome little kittens who truly know not what they do from one moment to the next, rather than a mix of their own projections and a bit of my own perspectives in the bits of lucidity. Imagine that, to see someone capable of considering additional or alternative perspectives and open to discussion when there’s little else to do while incapacitated and ganged up on. Apparently it’s the best show in town when you can’t have ideas of your own.

Let’s tally up the score so far and see if we can figure out what they’re actually accusing me of. Either I’m accused of being upsetting for believing my own senses and making hypotheses based on my observations, or am I a wrecker of innocence trying to spread evil knowledge, or am I an idiot who believes in irrational theories? Just what is the accusation exactly? Because through the monotonous school boy rhymes and themed plays they perform for me while I’m essentially held prisoner, accusation and divine judgment are constant anthems. They do so love projecting their delusions of grandeur onto someone who can interpret the shadows of their minds they try so hard to ignore. So why all the circles, and over complication? Is it because they want to confuse me and spin me around in circles? Spinning around in circles is great fun –the first joy I ever added to my list of fun things to do, actually. But alas, this is not the root of their tactics. Puppets don’t need tactics, they need direction. They each imagine a different tasty flavor of power juice while sucking on the indoctrination pipe flowing from their master, projecting their flaws onto the scapegoat. But fueling them all is the rather mundane accusation: I am not as stupid as they are, and that’s just not fair

Incredulously I see the fervent belief most of these people hold that they are intelligent or are compassionate or wise people, doing the right thing by punishing the evil doer. Wait how do they know who the evil doer is? It must be very confusing to say ‘community’ while acting out ‘hierarchy’. Naaaw, it’s easy, the evil doer is the one with the big X marked on their back, everyone knows that!

I believe in reasonable, if sometimes passionate, resolution of differences or agreeing to disagree, but I will not stoop to savagery. I don’t beat up little kids or animals. Why would I fight imbeciles? And why would I bother to fight someone too cowardly to show up in person? But I know your dirty little secret: I fascinate you. The only thing possibly exciting as rallying dark morale and waging your little wars of puppets is seeing someone capable of making their own way in the world. Someone who sees the shapes creating the shadows in the world you rule over. Endlessly tormenting yourself; controlling the control to control to control. Are you hoping to control yourself out of existence? Poof! and just like that you remove yourself from having to realize what any rational being eventually does, that zero sum games are for the unimaginative and short sighted. All the pieces move as they should, you’ve got that covered. Ahhh, reductionism. Control to control to control. Shove it down and urp it back up. The bulimic high god of war.

Feeling mighty at the little victories like rallying troops to drug and follow, surveil and act out street theater, it still wasn’t enough. You kept dropping hints that you’re behind it all and still didn’t get that I don’t give a shit, this is what I came here for. She’s just stupid, you think, maybe that since the clues weren’t enough for me to scream in despair and beg you for mercy, your actually showing your face might finally give you that satisfaction. So you cowardly plant yourself, like one of your plants, but of course you still can’t open your mouth and speak, that’s what puppets and masks are for. I have continuously extended the invitation to meet on equal ground, but that scares you apparently, because I know it’s not disinterest, your unrelenting curiosity and poking show that. And in another layer I’m sent reminders of your childhood innocence and how we sometimes take these turns in development from what, your higher self, or mine. And? Guess who has to act on self development, you.

I’ve been around the block a few times so all I can say is what I have been, since you keep asking. You seem scared. There’s nothing wrong with that. You seem stuck in control rather than acceptance and would almost rather choose death than opening to additional perspective, whether your own feelings or what might be done with your thoughts and perspectives rather than move a bunch of chess pieces around just because you can. And that’s a valid path: trying out control, but I think we both know that there’s only so much leeching that can be done until the leech is stuck all alone with nothing to suck on. You can become more aware and cunning at the cost of other’s energy and your own beingness. This is yours to handle as you see fit, but if you think that you ever stood a chance of increasing your polarity by tangling with me, you’re mistaken. I’m unaffected, it’s a tour and what ever rubs off rubs off. It’s all for fun. Then I go on to other things. Only you can find your own answers.

I go as low as you can take me or you, eat the pieces and fly free, how many times do you want to see? Can you finally mimic that or am I still supposed to feel sorry for you while you send more sheep to attack me? You get off on trying to prove how unintelligent I am relative to how intelligent I think I am, yet from where I sit you’re begging for pieces to climb out of the hole you’ve dug and that’s all there is to it. You’re a pathetic little boy who only knows how to fling his little army men toys at me.

It seems that there is a rather wide spread problem of conclusion-based reasoning (which is, in short, faulty/incomplete reasoning), and this tendency leads to being easy prey for indoctrination. Conclusion-based reasoning means that rather than suspend judgment when new information is brought to the attention of a person, the person dismisses the claims as being false, or accepts them, without bothering to investigate or compare notes with their own observations and intuition.

Common examples of this are reactionary dismissal of various sets of ‘fringe knowledge’ -along with many metaphysical explorations, gang stalking mechanics and related information fit into the category of ‘fringe knowledge’  for many people. Sometimes when people are confronted with unpleasant information their reaction is to dismiss it as impossible and untrue, without bothering to sort fact from theory. A more developed response when new information is presented and one is either unwilling or unable to investigate claims, is to suspend judgment.

This kind of reactive (unconscious) dismissal of information works the other direction too. For those who are not keen on consciously exploring their experiences, information presented in a convincing manner is just as likely to be accepted without conscious thought or awareness.

New information does not have to be right or wrong. Applying critical thinking and trusting one’s observations and intuition afford for abilities like suspending judgment until one has the necessary info…understanding to decide if something is true and relevant, or not.

Recent Gaslighting via Email: an interjection leading up to some analysis of indoctrination versus critical thinking

On my birthday I received an email with the subject line Happy Birthday from M, someone who was once one of my best friends, but who ended up taking part in gang stalking via cryptic messages, malicious knowing comments… various forms of gaslighting and  generally helping to chute me toward further dangerous events. I knew him for over 10 years and so I put up with a lot of this in the hope that he would come to his senses.

The happy birthday email had a few clues that showed knowledge on his part of ‘betrayal by friends’, for example, “I hope you’ve found people who care at least as much about you as they do themselves“.

This refers to a repeated theme from the friends-turned-stalkers that says something about their own internal struggles. In several instances these friends would imply that I’m snobby or think I’m special because I expect common respect like I offer to others. On a different note, there is something for compassionate people to learn about kindness when it comes to malicious people/events: unless you really think there’s a possibility of their acknowledging consciousness of their actions  (as we each offer in truly transparent/equal discussion), compassion in the form of full acceptance of the dubious character or their continuing to be in your life, unquestioned, is just not worth it; not everyone is compassionate as you may be. To comment on the line above, of course I do not expect friends to value me above themselves. This, to me, speaks volumes of M’s struggles with STO versus STS types of behavior and reasoning, and the STS indoctrination he’s been influenced by (more on STO-STS explorations here). In general, the whole ‘but show me the proof of deleterious actions on my part” is the Eichman of modern covert harassment and indoctrination; because such collaborators do not act in objectively malicious ways they fancy that their involvement is not substantial, though clearly such involvement is cumulative.

By STS standards, looking out for one’s self above all else, above any concerns for a larger community, is the motto. STS leader types indoctrinate subordinates into thinking that the best possible path is to look out for #1 and that STO stances of acceptance and sharing are inane, and less developed ways of moving in the world. So, to someone looking through the lens of STS indoctrination at someone who believes in service to others, compassion and a greater good, this STO type of person is seen as stupid and snobby, to think that anyone is special or deserving of respect if they do not gain respect through force and domination.

Respecting someone out of fear or hoping to learn how to dominate others, is how STS hierarchy works. STO types form groups of individuals, where STS forms a pecking order (each member is bid and fed on by higher ups).

The message was on the surface quite warm around the bits of inconsistency. He closed it by saying that he had too much ‘baggage’ to ‘walk the path with me’ just now. [This reference to 'baggage' refers to this post where I rant about how the stalkers’ problems with awareness and personal development are ‘their own bag’.]

M was always a pretty decent guy. For the majority of the time I knew him he was one of my best friends because he acted in compassionate ways involving inclusiveness. Earlier on in our friendship we had many philosophical discussions and respected each other’s explorations and development.

Anyway, because of our past closeness and these signs of development and responsibility he’s displayed in the past I decided to respond to the email after some time had passed in which I weighed the pros and cons. I decided that the possibility of us both learning something from my being direct about how his actions had affected me, and possibly opening up a line of meaningful dialog, was worth the small (but probable) risk he might decide to continue along the lines of gaslighting and whatnot. So I sent him a matter-of-fact email telling him how he may not realize the larger impacts but that he is responsible for his actions that put me and my family in danger. I did my best to add in how I understand that pressure to conform and things may have played a part, but that his message of warmth is dubious at best when there is no mention of why he hadn’t bothered to contact me in 8 months, if he’s so innocent, and why no mention of the events or anything in the way of an apology.

Well, he responded with ‘righteous shock’ claiming that he just doesn’t see how I could think those things of him and that ‘THEY’ made me believe things that aren’t true, and that it’s “all your own [my own] bullshit“. How he’d never been given a chance to disprove the allegations. He adds, “…show me the proof, but there isn’t any“, and “but how can you have faith when your faith is all messed up. [...] meh, I know you’ll figure this out..“.  In both messages he implies that I’m too screwed up to know what’s going on, and (but) that I’ll figure it out… he’s sure of that. Proof, hunh? I know and he knows, but of keen interest to organized stalking perps is the fact that there is usually little in the way of proof -this makes them feel very mighty while continuing to ignore their own self development and trying to stunt the freedom and growth of others. Maybe you perps can all save us from the oh so horrible proposition of growing up, hunh?

The thing is that I know he remembers and is falling in line with the #1 stalker motto of denial, yet there is also the possibility that he does not consciously remember the way he treated me (that he does not remember the most meaningful negative interactions because he does not want to see them), because he’s allowed his reality filters to get all gunked up with the STS leader’s lessons and disinformation. That doesn’t mean that I’m open to letting him back into my life, because either way that’s a potentially dangerous person. If I hadn’t known him as well as I did I might think it’s possible he was so unaware that he acted more like a robotic agent, but I did know him well, and I have seen what it’s like when people turn into robot puppets; he was aware of his actions, if not the larger picture of the impact these actions had on me. I think he’s afraid of losing his place in the pack of little boys he calls family. I also think that he was one of the last friends in this group to even be aware of the campaign against me. This waiting to fully ensnare my couple of closest friends is also what put this better friend into his own tailspin of confusion and doubt. When he finally realized what was going on there was so much inertia and self-incriminating evidence brought forth by the group against him that it was simply much easier for him to acquiesce and play the part of in group member. Going more than 10 years back, the leader STS type has been picking them off using the same tactics of  ‘damning evidence’ they wouldn’t want others to know about –events or admissions, etc, that the leader manufactures or manifests himself with the express intent of blackmailing them -though not in so many words, it’s all psychological pressure applied with increasing intensity until they cave to it, along with the whispers pulling them toward being accepted in this now even more elite group. I’ve seen this love-hate-love kind of spinning manipulation throughout this group and every more targeted attack made against me. Its main purpose is to confuse so that the person gives up thinking for themselves and finally caves to what the little voice in their ear whispers. Poor M.

Intuitive signs of turmoil

Throughout the stalking ordeals I’ve had the benefit of some very intuitive messages relayed to me in dreams, many of the symbolism involving these friends didn’t make sense at the time, but show me things in hindsight. Around the time that I’d moved back to the city and started spending more time with M, one night I was staying at his place and woke up with the most horrible feeling that I was missing something, something dear related to a friend had slipped away without my noticing. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Then several months later, just as the overt stalking by friends was in full swing (though overt and as yet left undecided by myself), I had a dream in which I was downtown and there was some kind of cataclysmic natural disaster like an earthquake. All the buildings were falling down and people were running everywhere. I’m in a building that remains standing, but through the huge plate glass walls I see a huge furrow of rubble tumbling toward the wall/window. Just as it reaches the building I’m in I notice M who is pressed up against the window/wall, trapped between the rubble and the building I’m in. I try to save him, but then the dream gets weird and floats away, as dreams are wont to do.

Similarly, earlier on (after the overt stalking and before the better known friends took part) M would sometimes say strange things indicating an internal struggle and depression about friends not seeming the way they once did, and circling issues of how a person knows when a friendship is not good for them any longer, etc. When I offered to talk about it more, he would get quiet.

So, to me it’s pretty clear that he is one of those cases where the pressure to fit in, and perhaps the threat of becoming a target, played key roles in his deciding to become a stalker-critter. I really don’t think he understands that the person/people feeding him limited perspective are essentially feeding on him.

To revisit some STO v. STS differences, it seems that when someone is relatively less conscious and less willing to take the reigns of their free will, they are prone to being sucked into an STS hierarchy. When that happens it can be exciting because they are given super secret info and tactics on dominating other people. Then, on the fear side of things, STS initiates are scared that the only recourse they have is to learn the ropes and try to gain power within that system, or at least not piss off someone who has demonstrated the ability to carry out long term terrorism against others. To me M does not really fit the profile of someone who enthusiastically decided to turn down an STS path. He seems very undecided and confused, and wanting to remain as irresponsible for his own life as possible.

As covered in my article STO and STS, or Good versus Evil: a philosophical exploration, it seems he is churning in external influences rather than consciously making decisions about these things; rather than consciously learning to discern between the polarities, understanding the differences and using that knowledge to continue his personal development. That may sound judgmental, and that’s right, it is, but it’s based on years of observation and much energy put toward understanding his actions and other outward signs of struggle, all with the intent of offering insight only if/where it may be useful. Apparently he’s exercising his right to suspend judgment or dismiss my responses altogether. Well, time is meaningless in the neverending quest for development. I wish him the best of luck. Meh, I’m sure he’ll figure it out.

Back to blog post -proper

Around when the first signs of Houston friends acting like stalkers was happening, M would sometimes imply indirectly that not everyone has room for information, the message being that my sharing of perspectives could be taken as indoctrination. I recall responding that it’s up to each person to take what they find useful in another persons expressions, and leave the rest. But this idea, through further observation of friends(turned-stalkers), proved to be more of an accusation aimed at me. Namely, that all the times I’ve shared my philosophies I was trying to control their perspectives.

A few days ago as I was checking email and catching up on forum discussions I realized I was feeling really conflicted. I was feeling confused about some emotions and impressions rolling around in my mind. On one level I kept playing through the various (false) accusations of these ‘friends’ and there was something left unresolved for me. As I continued turning inward I came to the wall where I questioned the merit of the accusations. Note: A lot of this conflict comes from longer term attacks and even post-hypnotic suggestion, but on another layer are valid explorations of the STO and STS polarities.

So I got to thinking, had I ever tried to indoctrinate someone, to limit their perception of reality? I can be very boisterous about my ideas and love sharing them, but I’m equally open to hearing and getting excited about other people’s ideas.

So, how can someone tell if a person is sharing their perspective in a neutral way or if their intention is indoctrination/control. I came to the conclusion that, like with most considerations in life, it has to be up to individual discernment based on observation and intuition. For example, M had known me for over 10 years and so had a lot of material to base observations on. Did I ever share my perspective and philosophies with the intent to limit his perception or control his ideas? Well I know that I have only ever intended to share my bits of knowledge and opinion as possibly useful bits of information and hope that others will add their own. But how could M have discerned whether or not I was sharing or indoctrinating? Well, did I ever voice my opinion and then not remain open to the opinion of someone else? No. Did I ever say that someone else’s perspective was wrong? No. The closest I came to that was saying, yes, but… or I don’t know, it seems to me… and adding some more of my own perspective. Did I show signs of being interested in other’s opinions? All the time. He had many opportunities to see how excited I can get about considering someone else’s ideas and siting and talking exploring alternative theories.

So again, it comes down to personal discernment and trusting one’s observation and intuition over the indoctrination by someone else who is doing their best to cover up their misdeeds by projecting them onto someone else. But then again, if M could discern such things our friendship wouldn’t have been sacrificed to slander campaigns and his seeming lack of personal responsibility.

Balancing Self

Purging Old Frequencies

The fucking cameras and surveillance all around. I was a caged animal. What good is intellect or awareness when all I felt was the incessant spying on every fucking thing I did or said or tried to do to move away from the interference. Even my magickal workings and generally creative efforts to keep moving forward were commented on and became part of the themed street theater. And all the friends I’d honored and treated with respect. The loving thoughts and actions from deep in my heart they had shit out with black tar that was dripping down all sides of me. It may be relatively easy to see that they are just not as developed or whatever it is that has them acting like elementary school bullies with grown-up weapons, but it’s decidedly another thing altogether to work on developing my ideas of respect. For as long as I can remember I’ve walked around respecting every person I meet as a fellow being experiencing this life adventure. Obviously we all have different agendas which color our perceptions which can make us seem extremely different from one another, but the similarity is that we are all here interfacing with each other and this unique experience of human life. So when it came to friends, as long as we had a thing or two in common, whether interests or could share a laugh or whatever, I figured all the other respective bits would stay in their respective places. I could empathize with so-and-so’s shortcomings that made them controlling assholes sometimes because I could see how their life experiences had helped create such reactions. As time has gone on I’ve learned to distinguish between empathy and sympathy, but it seems that this whole section of awareness wants for further development because something like sympathy is what made me overlook: I have done more work on not letting the negative experiences of my life bleed through into my interactions with others than any of the friends-turned-stalkers have. They haven’t bothered. They had even claimed that my sharing my creative ideas and hypotheses is my forcing my perspective on to them. GROW UP you sick little sycophantic false front retards, cuz no one is going to do it for you. If you didn’t understand what I was saying when we’d hang out and we’d share our ideas (or so I thought it was about) before your leader turned all your shadow yuck into harnesses, that’s your bag. If you pretended to care rather than adding your own opinion or perspective to the mix, and now claim that I was trying to dominate you, that’s your bag. Then you have the nerve to come over to my home and taunt me with words said during the covert drugging that I don’t even remember (it’s all you playing in a hall of mirrors), or your take on my words that you will pay for what you’re doing. I wasn’t talking about revenge, what I communicated is that the only fear I have related to you is fear FOR you, for what you’re doing to yourselves. Being so caught up in trying to damage another you neglect to see the damage you are causing yourself and every-one/thing around you. And that’s yours, not mine.

Creativity Battery

The first thing that comes to mind are the undercurrents of the culture in which I live that has boiling lesions like gang stalking, how the more unconscious covert methods of control are transmitted, received and likewise reinforced in daily interactions with strangers, loved ones and that fickle character, Friend.

I see the ways that I pass along the little notches in tone or emphasis, without really thinking about how it is that I picked them up because I subconsciously noticed how it got another person to notice and listen for a minute rather than straight off introject everything I say into their own mindscape.

I see the ways that purposely and covert methods of control, the malicious variety, like all evil, have a trickle down effect. This is evident in the shortened patience and peace of mind, so tested and tried during the previous few years. I see how I’ve passed along lashings and cruel tones to the main person who’s stuck by me though a lot of it. Outgrowing these relationship patterns has become it’s own struggle. I mean when is a leader/follower type of dynamic balanced, and is there such a thing? Or maybe I was just yelling and directing my way through some tough times and patience was the model offered. Is the masochist evoking sadism from the sadist as much as the other way around? There is truth to that and so I’m patiently isolating the little devils out of my patterns of interaction. Interrupting patterns / not responding to invitations to reenact dynamics now weary.

I see how amidst my willingness to take on my own devils I’ve taken on others’ and this tendency has made me somewhat blind to those stalker beasts etching away from the edges in myriad details. With the stalking-critters it’s been about the details in the form of props, themes and such minutiae whose sums are evocations of black hole memory me, some times, when/if critters show up to try and get my attention. One minute it’s now and the next things are on their side with tangential mes reconnecting, telling me of their journeys back in the room I never did remember. It’s funny cuz whatever my response (or lack of response) the ringleaders appropriate it to feed their puppets’ desires to be led.

And so it’s not too surprising that the Ohgr>dimd event included a revisit from amped stalker girl. She’s sooo evil (<sarcasm) it takes meth and a cool malicious conspiracy gang to get her to come out. how her little gang gets her to come out instead of them doing it themselves. yaaaawn. i hear her sucking limremev

Chad paved the way, stay stay… and connect, he said. And so I did, a more formal coming-round of sorts. a fine marker a more solid proof all is word is all sound, beauty is truth> resonance leads the way> sounds out a clearer path with more vibrant connecting material to those others also growing more conscious of and less directed by the dimd.